obsidianlily @ 2011-01-24T21: 18:00
I'm bending in a mocking bow before you, but I did not break. Not yet at least. I've been denied once and you deny it now; are not necessary, nor is any of us, deep down. And to this position, even when injured, does not compromise.
must have been difficult to make a person overweight and with the massive structure like mine so evanescent and vulnerable, I'm tired, so much so, in torn, quite alone, scared, useless. But I will remain here to look at you with eyes of challenge.
In a world of illusions, you begin to wonder if everything around you is real, a little 'how did Hume. And you can deny it, deny it, exist only to yourself, a time I tried, and it was wonderful to feel the pain subsides, the loneliness that is meaningless.
Then I realized that was not enough for myself are not god-I. I decided to try, I trusted my illusions, I started to feel safe.
I'm paying the price I suppose.
I'm hurt, I no longer want to deny it. Physical evil, evil within, and exhausting. I feel like a victim, just when I thought they had quit. And loneliness is sometimes stronger than the thought that it is not.
But you know what? I started this challenge alone against you, and I can only take it forward. It 's the price you pay for not believing.
continue to think 'just do not take it anymore' between the swings of mood and health, but all this will end. After the fever, after the period prostrate in the dust, I'll find something else so worth fighting for, maybe I have it already for months. You'll watch with dry eyes, and once again I can say 'I did'.
Regards, god of fuck.
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